Cringeworthy Book-to-Movie Adaptations That Must (In My Humble Opinion) Be Wiped Off Of The Face Of The Earth

Let me get this out of the way: I love it when my favorite books are made into movies. 

I know, I know… but then why would I make a post about “worst” book to movie adaptions? Why not all the really good ones? Because I’m a very salty person

I’m sorry, guys, but I need to get this out. I just watched Percy Jackson & The Olympians last weekend and… *shudders*

The Office gifs work for everything, I swear

Staring at the new movie covers, it’s hard not to be at least a little bit nervous. I understand the trepidation all readers feel, wondering whether or not the movie will completely butcher one of their favorite characters, or cut out one important scene from the book.

At the same time, though, I understand that the directors often take massive creative liberties, and I’m perfectly fine with that. (Usually.)

Sometimes, straying away from the plot makes a better movie!

And some of the movies turn out absolutely fabulous! Think The Hunger Games (arguably), Coraline, and of course, Harry Potter. Movies that might not necessarily always stick to the book, but still leave you with a general sense of peace and satisfaction.

But then there are the movie adaptions that COMPLETELY RUIN THE BOOK FOR YOU. Movies that need to be wiped off of the face of the Earth- no, the entire UNIVERSE. Movies that make you stare up at the face of the sky in despair and cry out, “WHY DOES ANNABETH HAVE BROWN HAIR??!!!”

Just kidding, hair color isn’t that important… but seriously, why.

(It’s like making Ron Weasley have black hair. Or turning Harry Potter’s lightning scar into one shaped like a flowerpot. YOU JUST DON’T DO IT.)

Short obligatory disclaimer: Of course, like everything else, this is all a matter of personal taste. It would be impossible for everyone to have the same opinions- that would be wayyyyy easier, of course, but also no fun at all.

So, in conclusion, if you absolutely loved these movies, that’s amazing. I envy you. I really do.

I wish I wasn’t so bitter that I would feel compelled to write an entire judgmental post about all of the movies I hate.

Now, I shall prepare to spread the negativity. ❤

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1. Percy Jackson & The Olympians

I take this as a personal offense. How DARE they destroy one of my favorite childhood books. The nerve of them. The sheer audacity.

To be honest, I probably would have enjoyed this movie more if I hadn’t read the books first. So much of its magic got cut out, which made me really question whether or not the people in charge of the film actually read the book.

They could have made this franchise into the next Harry Potter, but alas, they tried to condense it all into two ridiculous, what-in-the-actual-world-badly-paced movies.

Apparently even Rick Riordan roasted his own movie. I don’t blame him.

sad but true, this movie is the equivalent of a moldy sandwich

Pros

• Alexandra Daddario
• Alexandra Daddario
• I LOVE Alexandra Daddario
• Nothing else, really

Cons

• I’m not really sure what age group this was marketed towards because the main characters are all in their 20s (despite them supposedly being middle schoolers/high schoolers)
• You know, it would be cool to actually stick to the storyline at least a little bit instead of making the movie revolve around some weird “pearls” the trio have to find
• @ the director: Did we even read the same books….?? I’m genuinely confused
• Seriously, this had so much potential
• But they DESTROYED IT ALL

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2. Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

Please don’t come at me on this, but I absolutely HATED the movie. Never have I ever been so, so crushingly disappointed.

I haven’t watched the Shadowhunters show yet, and I don’t plan to, but I can already assure you already that it will probably be 1000x better than this movie. It’s difficult to beat on terms of terrible-ness.

I WANT MY MONEY BACK. I could have bought three bobas with all those dolla bills I wasted on a movie ticket.

Pros

• I really liked the cast! I’m pretty sure I can slice apples with Jamie Campbell Bower’s cheekbones. Also, I have a massive girl crush on Lily Collins *heart eyes*
• Seriously, though, I feel like I watched this movie partly just to see Lily Collins
• I would have fun watching her watch paint dry
• In all honesty, that would probably have been more enjoyable than watching this travesty that you call a movie

Cons

• Awkward writing, rushed ending
• The “visuals” felt like a rip-off of every single cheesy horror movie monster combined into one massive special effect animation
• I didn’t realize how laughable the love triangle was until I saw it in the movie
• MAJOR CRINGE
• Such cringe
• Most importantly, Simon didn’t turn into a rat
• I mean, what’s the point of watching the movie if Simon isn’t going to turn into a rat??

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3. Alice in Wonderland

I’m only going to say one thing: Lewis Caroll is probably rolling in her grave.

Pros

• I have to give them this: I could totally see Tim Burton’s influence
• Nice surrealist imagery- the special effects all had a dream-like yet slightly creepy feel to it

Cons

• SO MANY CONS
• First of all, why are Alice and the Mad Hatter involved in some kind of disturbing romantic relationship?? Is it even a romantic relationship? NO I AM NOT HERE FOR THIS AT ALL. It deeply concerns me
• Stop ruining my childhood now I’m imagining Alice and the Mad Hatter getting it on and it makes me want to puke
• Also, WHY WOULD YOU CHOP OF PEOPLE’S HEADS IN A DISNEY MOVIE? I get that this is Alice in Wonderland, but…. really? This is rated PG?
• I mean, since when is decapitation “PG”
• Laughable “epic” battle scene (I put quotation marks around this because the scene was not epic in any way)
• Alice undergoes no character development whatsoever. She’s like a piece of bland untoasted bread. No, not just UNTOASTED, she’s like frozen bread that was set out on the kitchen counter to defrost, but even when it warms up the texture stays all stiff and dry, plus the bread itself tastes like the contents of your fridge
• To this day, I’m still quite bamboozled by this movie. Was Alice high the entire time, or… what?

me @ whoever thought this movie was a good idea

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4. Tales of Unfortunate Events aka The Movie That Must Not Be Named

I’m sorry, what movie again? *innocent smile*

You know, now that I think about it, I want to applaud this movie, because it must take some serious SKILL and EFFORT to so completely annihilate a book.

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Anyways, I respect all of these directors for putting in the time to create movies (which I could NEVER EVER do), even if I ended up kind of really really disliking them.

Okay, I’m finally done! *deep breath* This post was so incredibly negative. I promise I’m not this much of a downer in real life. (I mean… I hope I’m not, anyways.) 😀

I’m deeply sorry that you had to slog through all this bitterness, and if you somehow did, congratulations!! You deserve a pat on the back. And 1000 cups of boba.

I’m out. ❤