“Heart of Thorns” by Bree Barton | Witchcraft + Women!

Rating: ✦✦ 1/2

We are magicians because of our suffering. A woman’s body can survive only so much abuse before our very blood and bones rise up in revolt.

Witches who can snuff out life with the slightest whisper of a touch. Ancient, glorious, forbidden magic. Cruel kings and a vicious palace filled with pawns. What more could I ask for in a book? 

(Turns out, a lot of things.)

Alas, the promising synopsis—and, may I add, the absolutely breathtaking cover—failed to truly deliver. Heart of Thorns was disappointingly mediocre, and my overall experience with it can be summed up with a simple yet quite pertinent phrase: been there, read that.

“The Nazi’s Daughter” by Tim Murgatroyd | Heartwarming But Verrryyyy Slowwwwww

This is an accurate representation of the book:

sooo slowwww (imagine me saying this in a sloth voice)

“The History of Jane Doe” Moodboard (Ft. Green Cows, Cookies, Milk, & Did I Mention Green Cows) | Blog Tour

Hello, friends! Long time no see!

(Why does this intro sound like the beginning of a passive aggressively worded email.)

I’m so excited to return from the dead and participate in the blog tour for Micheal Belanger’s A History of Jane Doe, a quirky little story about love, loss, and green cows.

Yes, you read that right, green cows. Lots of them. And it is every bit as fabulous as it sounds.

Other delightful things this book includes: an abundance of cookies and milk, conspiracy theories involving a flying possum, human groundhogs, and outrageous historical anecdotes.

My review is still currently Under Construction and will be coming sometime…. this century,  but I’ve curated moodboards that (hopefully!) reflect the overall vibe of the characters and the story.

(If you’re unfamiliar with moodboards, they’re basically collages of photographs, usually edited with a similar filter or color palette, meant to convey a certain emotion, character, image. In my experience, they’re used by companies to help develop their products or brand image, but they’re also super popular in the fandom world and used for character inspiration by writers.)

Also, can I just say—I dove very deep into the realms of Tumblr and Pinterest to make this and now I feel like a true hipster.

5 YA Fantasy Book Settings I Would Most Definitely Die In Within The First Five Minutes (In No Particular Order)

Us bookworms always wistfully imagine entering our favorite books and interacting with our beloved fictional characters. It’s basically a dream come true! Just imagine aggressively yet lovingly hugging Noah Czerny, resident cinnamon roll from The Raven Cycle.** Or perhaps nibbling on strawberry waffles with Nina Zenik, Grisha icon.

IS THAT NOT PARADISE. TELL ME TO MY FACE THAT IT’S NOT PARADISE.

**don’t you dare tell me you can’t hug a gho**t because I CAN and I WILL 

However, I personally have one slight problem: all of my favorite books are filled with bloodshed. Quite literally. I adore reading delightfully gory masterpieces filled with angst and stabby murder children.

Let’s be honest: I wouldn’t last long enough to even hug my favorite character. Realistically, I wouldn’t last a second. Unfortunately, I don’t have the luxury of being cloaked by a nice, thick layer of plot armor like our good friend Celaena Sardothien. (It also doesn’t help that I have all the survival instincts of a hedgehog on fire.)

So without further rambling, let us proceed!

Book Tag, Day 2 | In Which I Snidely Sip on Boba Coffee Whilst Preparing to Defend Daisy Buchanan to the Death

As always, thank you to the lovely Danielle @ Life of a Literary Nerd for the tag!!

Today’s quote is about the defining novel of the Roaring Twenties, the epitome of English-class-worthy symbolism and metaphorical prose, the subject of the Leonardo-Di-Caprio-didn’t-get-an-Oscar-for-this-HAHA film adaption: The Great Gatsby.